Do we really need
other people? Are other people really an essential part of your life? If you
never had any social interactions whatsoever, would you be a happier or sadder
person?
Most people would
probably find the answer to these questions very obvious. But I wonder why. Why
is it that most people have the urge to latch on to others? Is it because it
truly makes them feel happier or is it because they find something in others
that may be lacking in themselves? (You complete me?) Do other persons enrich
their lives or rather themselves, or are they just a way of conforming to
society’s dictations; couple up or be shunned.
Obviously from a
biological perspective there is a need to be with other people to preserve the
species. Not just in terms of reproduction, but Dawkins also lists numerous
theories why evolution would have taught people to stick together in groups,
“strength in numbers”, “you scratch my back…”, etc. But with that said, in modern
society there is absolutely no need to spend every waking minute with other
people. Many animals live out their entire lives alone, for instance many
species of my favorite one, sharks. From the moment they leave their mother’s
womb they are completely self-reliant and independent, only congregating when
instincts dictate to procreate and plant their seed. But these are not romantic
or deep relationships as with most human pairings, these are raw instinct
exerting its power. Evidently, the human is not as evolved at birth and need
constant attention from then and all the way to adolescence and even beyond in
some cases. (A price to pay for walking on two feet, courtesy of evolution!) So
maybe it is this constant need for attention that lingers on in most adults as
a remnant of childhood and blissed parental affection.
Another favorite
animal of mine, and one closer related to us, the wolf also needs care and
nurturing, guidance and wisdom when in infancy. But later in life the wolf
reaches a point where it breaks away from familiarity and childhood, becomes
its own for better or worse and wanders the wild on its own. These lone wolves
face a true do or die phase in their life, being completely self-reliant. If
they do rather than die though, they meet other lone wolves who’ve also ‘done’
and start a new pack, or they come in and take over an already existing pack.
Either way, if they are successful they can become kings. Other wolves I am
assuming (this is mainly just an allegory about humans, not Discovery Channel)
stay with their own pack throughout their youth until they become old and
useless ready to be conquered by a strong lone wolf. The parallel I want to
draw here is the fact that the lone wolves are the stronger and thus become the
kings. Not really a parallel though, because obviously with humans everything
is vastly more complicated, given how we possess these so called ‘emotions’ that
constantly messes with our judgment (to be addressed later). Yet in my own
little perspective, being the lone wolf is by far the better choice. When the
time is right, you break all bonds of familiarity and take off to start your
own kingdom…or die trying. The keyword I want to draw out here is lone.
People who are self-reliant can achieve so much more than people who need other
people to hold their hand every step through life. By having tested themselves lone
wolves are much stronger, completely independent with high self-esteem and a
strong emotional core. They know they can survive on their own if need be. Thus
when they start a new pack they form bonds but are simultaneously safe in the
knowledge that if those bonds were broken they would still be just fine on their
own, unlike the pack wolves who never stood alone and quiver with fear at the
very thought of doing so. Lone wolves are the people who accept no backseat or
frontseat drivers in their cars on the infinite freeway, at least not until
they have reached their area of intent after which they can start letting
others onboard without risking interference with their navigation, as long as
they are the drivers, i.e. head of the pack. This doesn’t mean that the bonds
they form aren’t important to them. They are. But it is the fact that they have
already tried being on their own that makes them more confident drivers and
able to let other people in to the car without causing major interference with
navigation. Self-reliance that has been tested in real life is irreplaceable
when it comes to establishing a strong inner core. If you have only been part
of packs your whole life, how much can you truly know about yourself and your
own strength?
So what is this need
to constantly be around other people? Let’s be honest, most of the time, people
(and here I mean strangers) are something to be endured rather than enjoyed.
Everyone needs to be alone every now and then. This is on a macro scale of
course, I would never want to cut out any of the amazing people that I have
come across in my life in any conscious way, but if or rather when that
happens, with my current mindset, I might not mourn it as much as I would have
even a few years ago. In the end you are only you and I am only me, we cannot
be each other nor lead each other’s lives. Our road is our own and only we can
walk it. No matter how many ‘the ones’, soulmates, kindred spirits etc. are out
there, they will never replace you as you. You are the only constant in your
life which is why on a lifelong timeline, you can only truly depend on
yourself. Now can only be now and will never be again. This is the essence of
determinism and again puts grave importance in the ability to be independent
and self-reliant. If you have once tried to be a lone wolf, then nothing that
other people do to you can really hurt you, because you have been tested alone
in the world, and you know you will be just fine. If you rely your happiness on
other people, you are making yourself infinitely more vulnerable and easier to
hurt.
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