Sunday, 27 September 2015

The Adventures of a Lone Wolf



Do we really need other people? Are other people really an essential part of your life? If you never had any social interactions whatsoever, would you be a happier or sadder person? 

Most people would probably find the answer to these questions very obvious. But I wonder why. Why is it that most people have the urge to latch on to others? Is it because it truly makes them feel happier or is it because they find something in others that may be lacking in themselves? (You complete me?) Do other persons enrich their lives or rather themselves, or are they just a way of conforming to society’s dictations; couple up or be shunned. 

Obviously from a biological perspective there is a need to be with other people to preserve the species. Not just in terms of reproduction, but Dawkins also lists numerous theories why evolution would have taught people to stick together in groups, “strength in numbers”, “you scratch my back…”, etc. But with that said, in modern society there is absolutely no need to spend every waking minute with other people. Many animals live out their entire lives alone, for instance many species of my favorite one, sharks. From the moment they leave their mother’s womb they are completely self-reliant and independent, only congregating when instincts dictate to procreate and plant their seed. But these are not romantic or deep relationships as with most human pairings, these are raw instinct exerting its power. Evidently, the human is not as evolved at birth and need constant attention from then and all the way to adolescence and even beyond in some cases. (A price to pay for walking on two feet, courtesy of evolution!) So maybe it is this constant need for attention that lingers on in most adults as a remnant of childhood and blissed parental affection. 

Another favorite animal of mine, and one closer related to us, the wolf also needs care and nurturing, guidance and wisdom when in infancy. But later in life the wolf reaches a point where it breaks away from familiarity and childhood, becomes its own for better or worse and wanders the wild on its own. These lone wolves face a true do or die phase in their life, being completely self-reliant. If they do rather than die though, they meet other lone wolves who’ve also ‘done’ and start a new pack, or they come in and take over an already existing pack. Either way, if they are successful they can become kings. Other wolves I am assuming (this is mainly just an allegory about humans, not Discovery Channel) stay with their own pack throughout their youth until they become old and useless ready to be conquered by a strong lone wolf. The parallel I want to draw here is the fact that the lone wolves are the stronger and thus become the kings. Not really a parallel though, because obviously with humans everything is vastly more complicated, given how we possess these so called ‘emotions’ that constantly messes with our judgment (to be addressed later). Yet in my own little perspective, being the lone wolf is by far the better choice. When the time is right, you break all bonds of familiarity and take off to start your own kingdom…or die trying. The keyword I want to draw out here is lone. People who are self-reliant can achieve so much more than people who need other people to hold their hand every step through life. By having tested themselves lone wolves are much stronger, completely independent with high self-esteem and a strong emotional core. They know they can survive on their own if need be. Thus when they start a new pack they form bonds but are simultaneously safe in the knowledge that if those bonds were broken they would still be just fine on their own, unlike the pack wolves who never stood alone and quiver with fear at the very thought of doing so. Lone wolves are the people who accept no backseat or frontseat drivers in their cars on the infinite freeway, at least not until they have reached their area of intent after which they can start letting others onboard without risking interference with their navigation, as long as they are the drivers, i.e. head of the pack. This doesn’t mean that the bonds they form aren’t important to them. They are. But it is the fact that they have already tried being on their own that makes them more confident drivers and able to let other people in to the car without causing major interference with navigation. Self-reliance that has been tested in real life is irreplaceable when it comes to establishing a strong inner core. If you have only been part of packs your whole life, how much can you truly know about yourself and your own strength? 

So what is this need to constantly be around other people? Let’s be honest, most of the time, people (and here I mean strangers) are something to be endured rather than enjoyed. Everyone needs to be alone every now and then. This is on a macro scale of course, I would never want to cut out any of the amazing people that I have come across in my life in any conscious way, but if or rather when that happens, with my current mindset, I might not mourn it as much as I would have even a few years ago. In the end you are only you and I am only me, we cannot be each other nor lead each other’s lives. Our road is our own and only we can walk it. No matter how many ‘the ones’, soulmates, kindred spirits etc. are out there, they will never replace you as you. You are the only constant in your life which is why on a lifelong timeline, you can only truly depend on yourself. Now can only be now and will never be again. This is the essence of determinism and again puts grave importance in the ability to be independent and self-reliant. If you have once tried to be a lone wolf, then nothing that other people do to you can really hurt you, because you have been tested alone in the world, and you know you will be just fine. If you rely your happiness on other people, you are making yourself infinitely more vulnerable and easier to hurt.


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