Putting Everything into Perspective and Living in the Moment

Continuing the discussion from the previous post I will start by playing it safe and repeating one of my favorite mantras: live in the moment. This mantra fits very well with this discussion which I will elaborate on a little bit. Because a moment occasionally includes other people, for sake of the argument, in a way, you can share a moment in the sense that the person you’re with is part of that moment. But with that said, attentive readers obviously know that it is impossible to truly share moments since you will always experience moments differently as we are all separate micro universes. 

But moments are also a lot different from lives and this is where my lone wolf mentality kicks in again. A moment can be shared just as easily with a stranger as with a life partner, perhaps even more so than the former as there are no, or at least fewer, laws of conduct and society involved. A moment with a stranger can be a lot more visceral because of the strangeness of the relationship and can thus be more easily appreciated than moments spent with familiar faces which thus over time start to mix together and lose value and importance. I have shared many amazing experiences on my travels with strangers that I met that same day and although I will never meet any of them again, the memory and the experience still include them and thus they will always be part of that moment.

So my question from the previous post remains: why do people need to be around other people, as in familiar relationships in the form of partners, family and friends? I like to be around people I love, and to be in a relationship. But there is a difference between enjoying something and then having a basic need for something that you cannot possibly live without. So an easy answer to why people NEED to be around other people their entire life, is because they haven’t transcended far enough away from the dancefloor of existence to see the macro patterns of the universal clockwork. Instead they see their familiar relationships as a basic necessity to life, not knowing that you can easily be alone and still be happy. Does recognizing these patterns make me a cold, empathy-ridden sociopath? No, I don’t think so because I care and love all living things. But do I necessarily value my own loved ones over the local Filipino caretaker watching our island workplace? [At time of writing] If faced with a real-life sadistic choice, of course. But in the pages of this blog/thought stream: no, not really. But in that mindset I don’t really value them both over the monitor lizard that we may or may not kill to make ‘good’ TV, or the coral we smash every morning just to get to the island. The lizard, the coral, the caretaker, my loved ones, me, my future soulmates (because obviously I will eventually pair up like everyone else), we are all part of the same clockwork, or rather slaves to it, so why should one of us outweigh the other? We are animals, all of us, all in the same boat. So I guess people need people mostly because they are familiar faces, but if you start expanding your mind and transcend outwards a little bit, climb other parts of the tree of life, you will suddenly see a lot more familiar faces and will NEVER feel alone, even if you are a lone wolf or a crazy old hermit living in the mountains. Because even inanimate objects like mountains and the planets of our solar systems are slaves just like us. EVERYTHING is connected in this network of legends, this universal clockwork. So wherever you are, and whoever you’re with you will always be surrounded by someone or something in the same boat as you. This will be further elaborated in the following post. 

So what I think is the ideal approach to life, is to acknowledge and understand our cosmic insignificance and accept the goings of the clockwork as they move us forward, but at the same time work to maintain the health of your own micro-universe as well. This dualism relates to all essential matters in our micro-universes. In this sense, you do occasionally find yourself needing people. But the benefit of knowing the macro side to life, is that you do not become dependent on these, you can be a lone wolf because you know attachments may be nice, but are in no means a requisite for a healthy existence. You accept the fact that people you love, even yourself, will die, and could do so right now. Nothing lasts forever. Bitching, worrying, fearing, nothing is going to change that. Just accept it as a natural part of existence. Having just killed a Buganawa (Filipino tarantula) to ensure a good night’s sleep in the jungle, [at another time of writing] I also accept that I might one day be killed by an animal because it feels threatened by me, I accept that. I do not fear death, rather I prepare for it by always cherishing the moment and enjoying every part of it. As Mark Twain put it: 

‘The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.’

This is the nature of micro-universes, they are extremely fleeting. Right now you might be having the best day of your life so far, while somewhere else someone else is having his or her worst day of his or her life. A person is born every second and a person dies every second. Now imagine how this works for all living things on this planet alone. Circle of life. C’est la vie! Deal with it.

What happens in between these two key moments of our existence, is like everything else fairly random, guided by small everyday events. So don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either, your choices are half-chance, so are everybody else’s. (Thanks, Baz!) So yes, you should definitely strive to make your micro-universe a happy place but at the same time never lose sight of the context in which it plays out. So don’t get too hung up on events on the micro-scale such as human relationships nor on other micro-universes around you, let the masters of those universes deal with their own cosmos. In other words, don’t let other people become your key to happiness because they will eventually disappear. Instead be aware of the bigger picture and try to absorb as much of life as you can, make your personal world as big as possible since as previously mentioned, this is the key to greater understanding anyway. Put simply: live in the moment!

The Adventures of a Lone Wolf

Do we really need other people? Are other people really an essential part of your life? If you never had any social interactions whatsoever, would you be a happier or sadder person? 

Most people would probably find the answer to these questions very obvious. But I wonder why. Why is it that most people have the urge to latch on to others? Is it because it truly makes them feel happier or is it because they find something in others that may be lacking in themselves? (You complete me?) Do other persons enrich their lives or rather themselves, or are they just a way of conforming to society’s dictations; couple up or be shunned. 

Obviously from a biological perspective there is a need to be with other people to preserve the species. Not just in terms of reproduction, but Dawkins also lists numerous theories why evolution would have taught people to stick together in groups, “strength in numbers”, “you scratch my back…”, etc. But with that said, in modern society there is absolutely no need to spend every waking minute with other people. Many animals live out their entire lives alone, for instance many species of my favorite one, sharks. From the moment they leave their mother’s womb they are completely self-reliant and independent, only congregating when instincts dictate to procreate and plant their seed. But these are not romantic or deep relationships as with most human pairings, these are raw instinct exerting its power. Evidently, the human is not as evolved at birth and need constant attention from then and all the way to adolescence and even beyond in some cases. (A price to pay for walking on two feet, courtesy of evolution!) So maybe it is this constant need for attention that lingers on in most adults as a remnant of childhood and blissed parental affection. 

Another favorite animal of mine, and one closer related to us, the wolf also needs care and nurturing, guidance and wisdom when in infancy. But later in life the wolf reaches a point where it breaks away from familiarity and childhood, becomes its own for better or worse and wanders the wild on its own. These lone wolves face a true do or die phase in their life, being completely self-reliant. If they do rather than die though, they meet other lone wolves who’ve also ‘done’ and start a new pack, or they come in and take over an already existing pack. Either way, if they are successful they can become kings. Other wolves I am assuming (this is mainly just an allegory about humans, not Discovery Channel) stay with their own pack throughout their youth until they become old and useless ready to be conquered by a strong lone wolf. The parallel I want to draw here is the fact that the lone wolves are the stronger and thus become the kings. Not really a parallel though, because obviously with humans everything is vastly more complicated, given how we possess these so called ‘emotions’ that constantly messes with our judgment (to be addressed later). Yet in my own little perspective, being the lone wolf is by far the better choice. When the time is right, you break all bonds of familiarity and take off to start your own kingdom…or die trying. The keyword I want to draw out here is lone. People who are self-reliant can achieve so much more than people who need other people to hold their hand every step through life. By having tested themselves lone wolves are much stronger, completely independent with high self-esteem and a strong emotional core. They know they can survive on their own if need be. Thus when they start a new pack they form bonds but are simultaneously safe in the knowledge that if those bonds were broken they would still be just fine on their own, unlike the pack wolves who never stood alone and quiver with fear at the very thought of doing so. Lone wolves are the people who accept no backseat or frontseat drivers in their cars on the infinite freeway, at least not until they have reached their area of intent after which they can start letting others onboard without risking interference with their navigation, as long as they are the drivers, i.e. head of the pack. This doesn’t mean that the bonds they form aren’t important to them. They are. But it is the fact that they have already tried being on their own that makes them more confident drivers and able to let other people in to the car without causing major interference with navigation. Self-reliance that has been tested in real life is irreplaceable when it comes to establishing a strong inner core. If you have only been part of packs your whole life, how much can you truly know about yourself and your own strength? 

So what is this need to constantly be around other people? Let’s be honest, most of the time, people (and here I mean strangers) are something to be endured rather than enjoyed. Everyone needs to be alone every now and then. This is on a macro scale of course, I would never want to cut out any of the amazing people that I have come across in my life in any conscious way, but if or rather when that happens, with my current mindset, I might not mourn it as much as I would have even a few years ago. In the end you are only you and I am only me, we cannot be each other nor lead each other’s lives. Our road is our own and only we can walk it. No matter how many ‘the ones’, soulmates, kindred spirits etc. are out there, they will never replace you as you. You are the only constant in your life which is why on a lifelong timeline, you can only truly depend on yourself. Now can only be now and will never be again. This is the essence of determinism and again puts grave importance in the ability to be independent and self-reliant. If you have once tried to be a lone wolf, then nothing that other people do to you can really hurt you, because you have been tested alone in the world, and you know you will be just fine. If you rely your happiness on other people, you are making yourself infinitely more vulnerable and easier to hurt.

The Dancefloor of Existence

By no means do I mean to incline that people who reach the same conclusions about the universe as me and in truth believe them, are more important than the people lost in the confusion and noise of the dancefloor of existence. This is not the case. Sure, there are a lot of people who are desperately yearning for guidance, for someone or something to follow. This is why religion is still such a prevailing force in contemporary society. Being a determinist I however look at religion from an outside perspective, seeing its tremendous power to enslave people under false pretenses and making them live their lives according to outdated dogmas that may have enriched society thousands of years ago but today only stand as a lone remnant of a previous time. Religion is not the only culprit in this respect. Any institution that tries to dictate how people should live their life, be it society, culture, tradition, etc., can in its worst cases imprison people’s mind to the point where they no longer think for themselves but rather just dance away to the beat of the music created by one of these institutions, blinded by strobe lights and darkness so that they cannot see the world for what it really is. This is what I call the dancefloor of existence and it is where most people spend the majority of their lives. I have certainly spent the majority of my life so far there. Thankfully, it is possible to escape the dancefloor, alone or with help from others, which is essentially what I am trying to do with this blog. This is because one of my greatest fears is that the dancers aren’t dancers by choice but rather from lack of transcendence, understanding, grasp of individual potential. As a result they latch on to other levels and simultaneously support and make up the power base of these aforementioned institutions. After all, what is a kingdom without subjects, even if it is only a kingdom of the mind. Ideas are sometimes all it takes to enslave people, and most people need some sense of purpose, to make sense of their existence. As a Lithuanian friend of mine once said; "slaves will be slaves", sharing a point with the Roman historian Sallust who said: ‘Only a few prefer liberty – the majority seek nothing more than fair masters’. 

 

Slaves might be slaves, but as another kindred spirit, a beautiful Tahitian dive instructor, once pointed out to me, even though our two tribes might be different, “we need these people”, without them our society could not function. Vice versa, without leadership the masses would be utterly lost, creating the need for different thinkers not just dancing away in the noise of the dancefloor in this nightclub of existence. In that sense, transcenders are important given that they hold the key for leading people in other directions but without people to guide, the need for these thinkers would not exist. In conclusion, everyone has a part to play and is thus equally important.

The distinction might be more apt when thinking of transcenders as people who have found their way out of the chaos of the dark, pulsating dancefloor into an area where they can choose their own music and lighting. In a sense, they have escaped the dancefloor although this shouldn’t be construed as a prison since most of the dancers wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Whether or not this is a result of institutionalization or not shouldn’t matter, as long as they are content which I truly hope they are. Like Cypher in The Matrix, I believe that ignorance is sometimes bliss. Most people are probably better off staying on the dancefloor or locked in to the Matrix. For me it is different though since I have always been looking for an alternate environment, if only on a subconscious level to start with. Essentially, it is really impossible to describe the world away from the dancefloor to anyone who hasn’t already found it by themselves (think about Plato’s cave, similar problem), which is why my journey and that of many others I imagine, began as an unconscious one, as a feeling of not belonging, a drive to pursue other horizons. It is especially hard to talk about these distinctions without coming across as a complete arrogant prick, but I am giving it a go anyway. Once you see the distinction though, you will never experience the dancefloor in a similar manner again. I experience this every time I go back home to Denmark. It is like Flowers for Algernon, this journey only goes in one direction. Although you might occasionally find yourself on the dancefloor over time, it will never feel the same again.

That this is an individual realization that everyone has to arrive at on their own makes people part of the problem. By latching on to the ideas of others, you are simultaneously hindering your own development. That is why I found that me-time is sometimes essential to reach these conclusions. This is part of a more general discussion about the necessity for many people to be around other people for most of their life to be addressed in the following post.